[TRIGGER WARNING] 100 Signs That You Might Be a “Snowflake”

Before the radical left attempts to completely dismantle this, allow me to preface with the following disclaimer: THIS POST IS INTENDED FOR HUMOR ONLY. NO DEMOCRATS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS BLOG.

For the rest of you normal, patriotic, freedom-loving Americans with a good sense of humor, this is for you…

Here are 100 scientifically proven (not really) signs that you may be a “snowflake” in the year 2020:

  1. You need a “safe space”.
  2. You argued with the Dean at your university until you were allowed to bring your emotional support animal to class.
  3. You drink White Claw.
  4. You think socialism is a smart idea.
  5. You spend your spare time making those stupid lip-syncing Tik Tok videos.
  6. You think “YouTuber” or “Social Media Influencer” is a job title.
  7. You say things like, “I know my rights” to a police officer.
  8. You are above the age of 21 still living with mom and dad without a job.
  9. You grew up playing video games instead of playing outside.
  10. You have no idea how to change your oil.
  11. You voted for Bernie.
  12. You voted for Hillary.
  13. You voted for Beto.
  14. You DIDN’T vote for Trump.
  15. You believe that there are more than two genders.
  16. You think the “AR” in AR-15 means “assault rifle”.
  17. You get a minimum wage job at Starbucks and tell everyone you’re a “barista”.
  18. You have a man-bun.
  19. You see a video of US military bootcamp and say, “if a Drill Sergeant talked like that to me, I’d knock him out”.
  20. You believe in the gender wage gap.
  21. You consider yourself a third-wave feminist.
  22. You majored in “Lesbian Dance Theory” in college and blame Trump’s economy because you still find yourself jobless.
  23. You consider yourself “ANTIFA”
  24. You watch The View.
  25. You get offended when someone insults you.
  26. You call it “cannabis” instead of weed.
  27. You think Trump is a racist, with absolutely zero evidence.
  28. You believe in gun bans.
  29. You order anything from Starbucks other than a coffee.
  30. You take selfies more than once a day.
  31. You take pictures of your food before eating it.
  32. You call BRUCE Jenner a “hero”.
  33. You think you’re entitled to wealth.
  34. You support riots, looting, and violence (but you call it a “protest”).
  35. You burn the American flag.
  36. You take a knee during the national anthem.
  37. You support that dumb Colin guy.
  38. You think systemic racism exists.
  39. You get “so stressed” because of an upcoming test at school.
  40. You say things like, “I can’t even”.
  41. You’ve never experienced any of the hardships life has to offer, but you still complain about everything.
  42. You have “trigger words”.
  43. You write-off the opinions of your elders because they’re “old and outdated”.
  44. You don’t use “sir” or “ma’am” when speaking to people.
  45. You get mad when someone assumes your gender.
  46. You’re vegan.
  47. You think eating hamburgers is the same as animal cruelty.
  48. You get offended when someone says, “God bless you”.
  49. You don’t think prayer belongs in school.
  50. You think you’re a model on Instagram.
  51. You watch a 10-second clip of police footage and suddenly think you understand every aspect of law enforcement.
  52. You ask for “gluten free” options.
  53. You think conservatives are white supremacists by default.
  54. You grew up in the suburbs but act like a gangster.
  55. You say marijuana is a plant, not a drug, so it shouldn’t be illegal.
  56. You think you’re special.
  57. You think you shouldn’t have to pay for your education.
  58. You wear shirts that say “good vibes”.
  59. You go to Coachella.
  60. You think building a wall is racist.
  61. You tell people what your pronouns are.
  62. You identify as something that you are very clearly not.
  63. You watch shows like Queer Eye and Dance Moms and find yourself getting emotionally attached to characters.
  64. You support Black Lives Matter.
  65. You think 9/11 was an inside job.
  66. You believe the US faked the moon landing.
  67. You ask to speak to a manager.
  68. Your name is Karen.
  69. You drive a Tesla.
  70. You own a hover-board
  71. You had a fidget spinner when they were “cool”.
  72. You vape.
  73. You are a man that wears capris.
  74. You are a man that wears skinny jeans.
  75. You have glasses that are frames only because you can see just fine.
  76. You disband all sense of morals with the excuse that “you’re young and will make mistakes”.
  77. You study astrology and blame your behavior on your sign.
  78. You use the word “man-splaining”
  79. You are an adult and daddy pays all your bills.
  80. You find the phrase, “that’s gay” offensive… and you aren’t gay.
  81. You believe in white privilege.
  82. You sincerely think climate change is an actual threat.
  83. You have one of those stupid pop sockets on the back of your smartphone.
  84. You’ve used the phrase, “I want to speak to your manager”, one too many times.
  85. You watch one episode of Judge Judy and think you have a law degree.
  86. You listen to celebrities for political advice.
  87. You value feelings over facts.
  88. You think that military and first responders are a “gang”.
  89. You protest to “Defund the Police” and then call 911 the second someone breaks into your house.
  90. You think people care about your opinions… (they don’t)
  91. You take cream and sugar in your coffee.
  92. You get offended by the cartoon “Paw Patrol”
  93. You use essential oils.
  94. You WAY misuse the phrase, “I’m depressed”.
  95. You spend more money on shoes than your future.
  96. You use your grandmother’s handicap placard for better parking at the grocery store.
  97. You majored in fine arts.
  98. You belong to a book reading club.
  99. You think just because you enjoy the Beetles you’re considered “an old soul”.
  100. You were offended by any of the above statements.

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