Before the radical left attempts to completely dismantle this, allow me to preface with the following disclaimer: THIS POST IS INTENDED FOR HUMOR ONLY. NO DEMOCRATS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS BLOG.
For the rest of you normal, patriotic, freedom-loving Americans with a good sense of humor, this is for you…
Here are 100 scientifically proven (not really) signs that you may be a “snowflake” in the year 2020:
- You need a “safe space”.
- You argued with the Dean at your university until you were allowed to bring your emotional support animal to class.
- You drink White Claw.
- You think socialism is a smart idea.
- You spend your spare time making those stupid lip-syncing Tik Tok videos.
- You think “YouTuber” or “Social Media Influencer” is a job title.
- You say things like, “I know my rights” to a police officer.
- You are above the age of 21 still living with mom and dad without a job.
- You grew up playing video games instead of playing outside.
- You have no idea how to change your oil.
- You voted for Bernie.
- You voted for Hillary.
- You voted for Beto.
- You DIDN’T vote for Trump.
- You believe that there are more than two genders.
- You think the “AR” in AR-15 means “assault rifle”.
- You get a minimum wage job at Starbucks and tell everyone you’re a “barista”.
- You have a man-bun.
- You see a video of US military bootcamp and say, “if a Drill Sergeant talked like that to me, I’d knock him out”.
- You believe in the gender wage gap.
- You consider yourself a third-wave feminist.
- You majored in “Lesbian Dance Theory” in college and blame Trump’s economy because you still find yourself jobless.
- You consider yourself “ANTIFA”
- You watch The View.
- You get offended when someone insults you.
- You call it “cannabis” instead of weed.
- You think Trump is a racist, with absolutely zero evidence.
- You believe in gun bans.
- You order anything from Starbucks other than a coffee.
- You take selfies more than once a day.
- You take pictures of your food before eating it.
- You call BRUCE Jenner a “hero”.
- You think you’re entitled to wealth.
- You support riots, looting, and violence (but you call it a “protest”).
- You burn the American flag.
- You take a knee during the national anthem.
- You support that dumb Colin guy.
- You think systemic racism exists.
- You get “so stressed” because of an upcoming test at school.
- You say things like, “I can’t even”.
- You’ve never experienced any of the hardships life has to offer, but you still complain about everything.
- You have “trigger words”.
- You write-off the opinions of your elders because they’re “old and outdated”.
- You don’t use “sir” or “ma’am” when speaking to people.
- You get mad when someone assumes your gender.
- You’re vegan.
- You think eating hamburgers is the same as animal cruelty.
- You get offended when someone says, “God bless you”.
- You don’t think prayer belongs in school.
- You think you’re a model on Instagram.
- You watch a 10-second clip of police footage and suddenly think you understand every aspect of law enforcement.
- You ask for “gluten free” options.
- You think conservatives are white supremacists by default.
- You grew up in the suburbs but act like a gangster.
- You say marijuana is a plant, not a drug, so it shouldn’t be illegal.
- You think you’re special.
- You think you shouldn’t have to pay for your education.
- You wear shirts that say “good vibes”.
- You go to Coachella.
- You think building a wall is racist.
- You tell people what your pronouns are.
- You identify as something that you are very clearly not.
- You watch shows like Queer Eye and Dance Moms and find yourself getting emotionally attached to characters.
- You support Black Lives Matter.
- You think 9/11 was an inside job.
- You believe the US faked the moon landing.
- You ask to speak to a manager.
- Your name is Karen.
- You drive a Tesla.
- You own a hover-board
- You had a fidget spinner when they were “cool”.
- You vape.
- You are a man that wears capris.
- You are a man that wears skinny jeans.
- You have glasses that are frames only because you can see just fine.
- You disband all sense of morals with the excuse that “you’re young and will make mistakes”.
- You study astrology and blame your behavior on your sign.
- You use the word “man-splaining”
- You are an adult and daddy pays all your bills.
- You find the phrase, “that’s gay” offensive… and you aren’t gay.
- You believe in white privilege.
- You sincerely think climate change is an actual threat.
- You have one of those stupid pop sockets on the back of your smartphone.
- You’ve used the phrase, “I want to speak to your manager”, one too many times.
- You watch one episode of Judge Judy and think you have a law degree.
- You listen to celebrities for political advice.
- You value feelings over facts.
- You think that military and first responders are a “gang”.
- You protest to “Defund the Police” and then call 911 the second someone breaks into your house.
- You think people care about your opinions… (they don’t)
- You take cream and sugar in your coffee.
- You get offended by the cartoon “Paw Patrol”
- You use essential oils.
- You WAY misuse the phrase, “I’m depressed”.
- You spend more money on shoes than your future.
- You use your grandmother’s handicap placard for better parking at the grocery store.
- You majored in fine arts.
- You belong to a book reading club.
- You think just because you enjoy the Beetles you’re considered “an old soul”.
- You were offended by any of the above statements.